i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
