Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
