1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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