where am i from again
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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