So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We are two peas in an std pod
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
