Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
