ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
