I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
