i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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