Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
