i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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