he thought i was a dude.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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