oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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