I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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