I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
