I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
