She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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