"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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