sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
