Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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