At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
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