I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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