Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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