I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
