She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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