He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Welp...herpes.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
