i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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