why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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