Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
