? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
