i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
