just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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