If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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