bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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