absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
