Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
