Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
