Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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