I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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