batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
