Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
