we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
