I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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