You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
