just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
