i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
