there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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