we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
