Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
