Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
