Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
