If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
