But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
