The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
