Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We talked him into tasing himself.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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