just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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