the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
