I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
