There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
